It’s been a great week for me as usual, chasing my dreams and being happy while doing it, spending time with my loved ones and spending time alone with myself…I can’t thank God enough for endless mercy and undying love towards me. Speaking of love, let’s get into the essence of this post which in my opinion is the most important kind of love, self-love.
L.O.V.E is a very strong four letter word. It is used very often both by people who understand this heavenly concept and those that are clueless on the subject. It is a word that means different things to different people. Love is the essence of this life we journey, it is the spice of life. It is to life as a scent is to a rose. It is something we all need regardless of our varied perspectives. Even the toughest people melt at the thought of this magical feeling. However, growing up, meeting women from all spheres of life and going through different experiences, I have come to a conclusion that a lot of beautiful young women search for this love in the wrong places.
Let’s do a little flashback to my teenage years, I remember hearing this quote very often ‘If you don’t love yourself, no one will love you’ but I never fully understood this powerful quote then. I was like ‘duh! I love myself, am I supposed to hate myself?’ but you see, this thing called self-love is a lot more about actions than words. It is about accepting who are as a person with all your flaws and imperfections. Its about taking the time out to know yourself. It’s about doing something sweet for yourself just because. It’s about establishing yourself as a woman who celebrates her womanhood with pride. It’s about developing respect for your own opinions and your own reasoning. It’s about constantly improving yourself in every aspect of your life. It is about seeing yourself the way your creator sees you. Then and only then will you attract people who reflect your own opinion of yourself.
Self-love is not an easy thing to accomplish, some of us are still learning how to love and accept every inch of our being but let me honestly say that we must try, for sanity sake. It is definitely a challenge but it’s worth fighting for because a woman who doesn’t love herself is dangerous to the people around her. She becomes so thirsty that she rushes into relationships and love ill-prepared. This is why relationships fail, this is why people lose friends. This is why we find so many women jumping from one relationship to another, speed dating through the universe without giving herself time to heal. I know this because I have been there before but ever since I discovered the plain old truth (self-love), my life has been so melodious. There is now balance in a life that was so imbalanced.
These days, some single women are afraid to be alone and this is why we see some girls endure abusive relationships and some settle for less. You should never be afraid to be alone, are you trying to say you’re not enough? You should be able to stand on your own two feet. We were not born in relationships, no one was born holding someone else’s hand. Alone is where we start and alone is how we leave this earth.
Without a doubt, love is a beautiful thing and we all want to experience it but we must ask ourselves, are we really in love or are we in love with the idea of being in love? Many of us look for love and assurance from others and become bitter when we don’t get it. We need to understand that we must seek love first from within ourselves. Is it fair to expect anyone to bear the baggage from a life filled with dysfunction and pain? You need to be your own preacher, your own motivational speaker, you need to be able to give yourself that hearty speech you require when you’re in low places because in order for us to survive as human beings, we need to be self motivated. You need to be your own best friend. Light a candle, read a book, take a walk, soak yourself in a bubble bath, get all dolled up and head out to a nice restaurant for dinner, meditate on your accomplishments and see how far you’ve come and most importantly, build a relationship with God. I cannot stress enough on how important that last bit is. Who can restore what life has taken from you but God? In the words of renowned author and pastor T.D Jakes, ‘while people will change and you will change, it is nice to be fastened to something that is always the same. Anchor yourself in the Lord’. If a woman’s relationship with God is poor and her relationship with herself is equally so, she will enter into relationships for all the wrong reasons and as most of us may know, there is absolutely nothing worse than giving the right things to the wrong person. She will expect from him things that can only be gotten from a positive self image and a clear perception of her creator.
Let’s take a look at this bible passage, Matthew 22: 36 -39
Master, which is the greatest commandment of the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
How can you learn to love your neighbour if you cannot learn to love yourself? So, I implore all of you beautiful women reading this, love yourselves! You are all you have on this earth! There is absolutely nothing damaged within you. The people who try to belittle you or devalue you, do so out of their own insecurity and weakness. You are not who anyone says you are but you are who you say you are and ultimately who God says you are. You are the child of a KING. You are a beautiful princess carefully hand crafted by the greatest artist of all. You are gorgeous, you are smart and you deserve to be loved because your creator loves you unconditionally!
At this point, set a new goal for yourself and this goal should be an ultimate state of wholeness. Learn to embrace yourself. There is a difference between self love and narcissism. A positive self image is not arrogant but it is necessary to secure a meaningful and healthy relationships with others. People who suffer from low self esteem are too quick to become obsessive to enjoy others, so recognize your strength before you become lost in a state of being a cheerleader for others and never for yourself. By being good to yourself, you are setting a standard that everyone around you is going to follow.
In conclusion, I am suggesting that you have a relationship with God first and secondly with yourself and then you will be ready to share what you have determined to be worth bringing to the table of love. So start with prayer, tell him everything and ask for help to know him better and help you to further understand yourself and your purpose because you can’t love what you don’t know. Thank him for helping you to survive your challenges and lastly, pamper yourself so that you feel comforted and renewed.
Here are my favourite self love quotes for inspiration
‘Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all’
‘You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection’
‘To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others, you only need to accept yourself’
‘It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate a self love deficit’
‘To love one’s self is the beginning of a life long romance’
‘Self love is the air beneath the wings of all our relationships’
Have a great week girls and don’t forget to LOVE YOURSELF